The Purpose-Laden Life

Today I had a lazy day; but I did it the wrong way.

I got out of my first class a half of an hour early, and that started my demise. I could not resist the temptation to go back to my room and crawl back into my bed. I skipped my last class and chapel. Five hours later I woke up.

Why was I so dead? I have been making bad decisions at night, and staying up way too late. But on top of that, I have been very busy. Did I really need a day off?

YES.

Be it outside circumstances or selfish, stupid mistakes, we all need a bearther from time to time. We need a change of pace. We need to engage in things that require little or no brain power.

So here's my advice: if we're going to be unproductive for a day, let's do it productively.

~Take a nap to get caught up on the previous night's sleep. Set an alarm to steal back those eight hours.

-Do things that refresh you. Play a game, take a walk, read a book that's not for school.

>Don't miss your commitments. Be responsible and show up. Work hard and bank on the fact that you will relax that much harder when it's over.

:Do things you don't normally do. If you don't walk in the woods, try it. If you don't go to the mall, try it.

=Spend time with someone that cares about you; like God.

music to my ears, terrible music

The people I love the most try to help me. I don't always want them to. I want them to agree with me, and cheer me up; not challenge me and send me into needed deeper contemplation.

When I am thinking about something, I can't help but to send it past my lips. Today it was met with criticism and confrontation. I didn't want that. I wanted, "That sounds good. You're right. I'm with you." Instead I heard, "You shouldn't jump right into that. Think about it more." I knew I shouldn't have said anything.

Or maybe I should have. After it sinks in, I realize that this is better. Do you dislike having to admit someone is right? Even if they are a loved one?

Share your life. Share your heartache and happiness. Share it with people who care. But beware: you might hear things you don't want to. Be honest with yourself. Be brave.

Sunday Mourning

well, I broke down yesterday, and it took the patience and wisdom of my roommate to help me recover. If you are the praying type, I would ask that you offer an alm or two for my sake. Seriuosly, I feel like yesterday was the final steps unto the top of the hill. Smooth sailing and happiness from here on out. The only thing now is to jump into it. If I don't jump soon enough, I will be pushed, and that would not be natural.

if you have people out there who you can confide in, hang on to them with all your damn might. In the world in which we live, the people who are genuine carers are few and far bewtween. If someone loves you, try your darndest to hold on to them. How do you do that?

Love

Them

Back

conscience quenches

I'm now realizing the weight of my last post. People aren't always going to help you out, even when you think you deserve it.

To be honest, I'm not feeling to great right now. I'm not sick. I'm not necessarily angry. I'm confused really. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I remember getting this same feeling about this same time last year.

Why can't I be consistent? Is it really that hard. Am I doing something wrong? "I don't know," says the Judd.

I don't like you very much...

I've come to realize that throughout my life, I'm going to be working with people at one time or another that I don't exactly like or get along with. Hello predicament. Or is it really a predicament?

I think I've realized that these kind of relationships will be benefitial in the longrun. Each situation better preparing me for the next. It becomes a game, a test to see how much I can take.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I am the most valiant person, getting along with everyone that I came across. I'm saying that I am realizing this ahead of time, accepting it, and preparing myself for the future. You can too, it's easy, I promise.

ion will yo

"What motivates you?" or "What are you passionate about?" or "What is your heart broken on account of?" or "What do you feel God calling you to?"

I've just realized a sick cycle: determining God's will means following Him closely, does it not? Following God closely means being motivated to do so, does it not? Therefore, I am stuck between these two: being motivated means following God, and following God means being motivated.

I want to take the steps toward God, but I have not the will. Where does will come from? Well, from doing things that you are passionate about. I do not know what I am passionate about. So I ask God what will my heart be broken over, but I am not motivated to listen. See the cycle I'm getting at?

I feel like I'm standing outside of a double dutch, ready to jump in. Once I'm in, I'm golden, but the hard part is getting in. It takes concentration, practice, skill; all the things I don't feel like working on.


So far I think my heart breaks for unchurched high schoolers, but the thing is that it should be something that does not require thinking. I should know what my heart breaks for. I struggle with apathy. Your problems don't bother me. That is wrong. That is not Christ-like. I am broken.

I got inked

I've got two things currently written on my right palm: purity and sacrifice. They are written on my right palm because I am left handed, and they are faded because I wrote them there at about a quarter to four. Also, I tried to write them in fancy, creative script. That is because two reasons: (1) so I spell them correctly and (2) so I actually concentrate on what they mean and why I am writing them on my hand. Actually, it is slightly pointless because I hardy ever look at them, but they are a good reminder.

Why purity? Well, it is easy to master, but not fun. It is easy to lose. In our culture, not much separates you from everyone else, but this does. Purity is a lost art. People do not realize how valuable it is, and I am among them.

Sacrifice is the fundemental principle behind my salvation. Sacrifice is love. Sacrifice is Love.

Never Enough

everything's gotta be my tme. I have come to the point where I will not go out of the way for anyone. What has happened to me? It used to be that I would not mind inconveniencing myself for the sake of someone else. I am not saying that I was perfect. Far from it actually, but I was going in the right direction. Now I am not even stumbling in the right direction; I am either still or going in the wrong direction. Bottom line is that I need to love other people and love myself so that I can accept God's love for me. Let's face it, I have a hard time accepting God's love. This is because He has done everything for me and all I can do for him is not enough. He has forgiven my sins and taken me back countless times, and I have turned countless times. My greatest deeds are meaningless. But God does not expect me to amount to His love. He expects my honest effort and my best. I kno my best is not good enough, but that's beside the point. The point is that I am giving him my all. A-L-L. That's all, mama.
Lesson: I need to love others and myself to accept Christ's Love.

insomnia

I find the night very pleasing. Calm. Everyone's asleep. Except for those few people who are in it with you. Your fellow soldiers. Faceing the long, dark night with you. You are the brave. You know it has to get done, and you know how you have to do it. You have your caffine, regardless of how you spell it, and you have your mission, regardless if you accomplish it. I have to pee. The truth is that I do not accomplish nearly enough work to pair with the time it takes me. No matter. It doesn't bother me. This is because of the things I think and the things I do at these hours. You do not truly know yourself until you have seen what I've seen; what many have seen. I truly know myself. As daylight peaks over the horizon, you feel a sense of...uh...well, I can't explain it. No one can. You just have to experience this whole new level. Will I wake to find you waiting by my bedside? Will I wake to find you waiting by my side?